Month: March 2008

Dear Fatty McMiddleseat

You chose the middle seat next to me&nbsp_place_holder; I know that you chose it because it was the exit row.&nbsp_place_holder; I saw your 300 pounds of balding business traveler body eyeing that tight 17 inch-wide, 34 inches of seat pitch torture chamber right from the moment you waddled down the aisle.

I was in the window seat.&nbsp_place_holder; And yes I chose the exit row too.&nbsp_place_holder; But I chose it because it is the one place on commerical airliners where taller men and women seek refuge from the evil little old ladies who insist on fully reclining their seats directly into our knees.&nbsp_place_holder; But you, Fatty McMiddleseat, were not tall.&nbsp_place_holder; 5′ 9″ tops.&nbsp_place_holder; You were wide.&nbsp_place_holder; Aisle seats work well for people of your stature, not the exit row.&nbsp_place_holder;

However, judging by the relatively full flight, you may not have had the chance to get a coveted aisle seat.&nbsp_place_holder; Fine, I understand.&nbsp_place_holder; But that does not excuse your behavior for the rest of the 2 1/2 hours spent in a cramped, pressurized aluminum tube.&nbsp_place_holder; No, no, Fatty McMiddleseat, you had grander visions for your seatmate.&nbsp_place_holder;

As you suished in between my companion in 12D and me in 12F, I detected the unmistakable odor of vodka wafting from your pores.&nbsp_place_holder; Was that Popov or Five O’Clock?&nbsp_place_holder; It was&nbsp_place_holder;5:30 am and not exactly the preferred aroma of someone who should have just showered.&nbsp_place_holder;

So we settle in, get our obligatory exit row “are able and willing to operate the window in the event of an emergency” interrogatory from the flight attendant, and push back from the gate.&nbsp_place_holder; Take off was uneventful except for your inadvertent seat reclining right as the engines spool up at the runway threshold.&nbsp_place_holder; Was it your thigh pushing the button accidentally?

Upon passing FL 100 and our ability to operate electronic devices of imperceptibly small wattage is restored, I try to catch some sleep and listen to some soothing “happy place” music.&nbsp_place_holder; But that peace is disturbed by the most noxious waft of assgas this side of the Mississippi.&nbsp_place_holder; Oh my god, Fatty McMiddleseat.&nbsp_place_holder; What did you have for dinner?&nbsp_place_holder; I think it involved some sort of nuts.&nbsp_place_holder; Your fart had a distinctly peanut aroma.&nbsp_place_holder; Either that or it got filtered through your peanut dust-infused seat cushion.&nbsp_place_holder;&nbsp_place_holder; Yeah, every 4 or 5 minutes it happened.&nbsp_place_holder; “ppuuffffffffff….”

The greatest insult, though, happened somewhere over Pennsylvania.&nbsp_place_holder; You fell asleep.&nbsp_place_holder; Snore. Check. Snort. Check.&nbsp_place_holder; Then you proceeded to lean over onto my shoulder and place your head a 90 degree angle on top of my shoulder.&nbsp_place_holder; I nudged you and your head snapped back up. Then a minute later, you did it again. A half hour of this.&nbsp_place_holder; You even muttered a half-hearted “sorry” and then did it again.&nbsp_place_holder; Oh, and some more nut farts helped me to make the moment more special.

Thoroughly traumatized, we finally decended.&nbsp_place_holder; Right after the pilot greased it right on the numbers (way to go dude, best landing ever!), then it happened.&nbsp_place_holder; Sometime in the flight you managed to unbuckle your seatbelt.&nbsp_place_holder; The reverse thruster buckets kick out and brakes applied…then you, Fatty McMiddleseat, get tossed forward into the seat in front of you, almost off your seat.&nbsp_place_holder;If it wasn’t so wide to begin with, I swear you would have become your own underseat carry on. &nbsp_place_holder;Damn that was funny to see you sheepishly relatch the stretched-to-its-limit belt.&nbsp_place_holder;

So, thank you, Fatty McMiddleseat, for being a close companion and cuddlebuddy.&nbsp_place_holder; I will miss you.

Infinology Is The Devil AND Sucks

The Piker Press has used Infinology as webhost for a couple of years now. There were occasional service glitches, but for the most part, it did what was needed.

Suddely this week, the Piker Press site went blank. Stuff is still out there on the server, but nothing is showing up on the website. E-mails and phone calls to Infinology have gone unanswered.

A little research (Googling “Infinology sucks” and “Infinology scam”) showed that many, many others are experiencing similar problems with their sites going dead. Most report get no answers to their complaints. The rare few who have had their phone calls answered report that the person they spoke to had very limited English fluency.

Fortunately, the Press has an assortment of geeks who are figuring out how to back up our data and hunting for a new host. And fortunately, we are not a business, so we are not losing any money to speak of by being down for a few days.

But honest to Pete, this sort of business practice is, at the best, rude, and at the worst, sleazy. Considering some people have had trouble cancelling their accounts because they can’t get their e-mails to go through, it may even be criminal.

Stay away from Infinology. Tell your friends to stay away from Infinology. If you are using Infinology and are not having problems yet, thank your lucky stars and start looking for a more ethical webhost while you still can.

And for heaven’s sake, back up your data.

stupid metro riders

so, in the morning on metro, many people read the express, a free publication that’s distributed at the metro entrances.&nbsp_place_holder; it’s a perfect way to pass the time if you’re interested.&nbsp_place_holder; there’s a little headline news, world news, local stuff, sports highlights, some pop culture articles, comics, sudoku and a crossword.&nbsp_place_holder; plenty of things to keep people busy.&nbsp_place_holder; and, again, it’s free.&nbsp_place_holder; can’t beat that.&nbsp_place_holder; what on earth could i be complaining about, you may wonder.&nbsp_place_holder; well, people – after taking advantage of this free reading material – can’t manage to find the recycle bin at the metro exit to deposit the express.&nbsp_place_holder; let me help out these readers: IT’S RIGHT NEXT TO THE TRASH BIN YOU’RE USING TO THROW AWAY THE EXPRESS!&nbsp_place_holder; the bins are SIDE BY SIDE.&nbsp_place_holder; and one is clearly labeled “newspaper”.&nbsp_place_holder; i know you can read, you took a copy of the express!&nbsp_place_holder; the only explanation i can come up with is that the garbage bin is easier to use.&nbsp_place_holder; it has a huge round hole on the top to accept deposits.&nbsp_place_holder; the recycling bin has a wide slit on the side and no open top.&nbsp_place_holder; that means, commuters would have to slow down ever so slightly to have better aim and put it in the recylcing bin.&nbsp_place_holder; and i honestly think it’s the additional 2 seconds it might take them that deters these people.&nbsp_place_holder; i have two responses to that – you’re only going to work. is it really that important that you get there NOW?!&nbsp_place_holder; and second, if you walked up the escalator rather than ride it to the top, you’d save more than two seconds.&nbsp_place_holder; just an idea.

emove, usplastics, comcast – why is nothing easy?

emove – so, we used emove when we moved from virginia to d.c.&nbsp_place_holder; we paid for 2 guys to load the truck in virginia and 2 guys to unload the truck in virginia.&nbsp_place_holder; three charges appeared on my credit card rather than 2.&nbsp_place_holder; i emailed and said, hey, i think two of these confirmation numbers are for the same job.&nbsp_place_holder; after a week of no response from emove, i emailed again today.&nbsp_place_holder; the response: two of the charges are accurate b/c we hired in both d.c. and virginia.&nbsp_place_holder; thanks for that.&nbsp_place_holder; i agree with that proposition.&nbsp_place_holder; it’s the THIRD charge i have a problem with.&nbsp_place_holder; still trying.&nbsp_place_holder; i hate when customer service people don’t actually READ your email.&nbsp_place_holder;&nbsp_place_holder;

usplastics – right after emove completely ignores my request, i place an order for 96 gallon bins and recylcing containers.&nbsp_place_holder; then customer service calls me (again, right on the heels of my emove email) to give me an estimate on the freight charges.&nbsp_place_holder; about $100.&nbsp_place_holder; a bit steep, but, ok.&nbsp_place_holder; i ask about delivery date.&nbsp_place_holder; she doesn’t really know and tells me that i have to pay $15 to be called in advance of delivery.&nbsp_place_holder; WHAT?&nbsp_place_holder; it’s not like you can just leave four huge bins on our landing – there’s not enough room and i’d like to arrange for someone to be home.&nbsp_place_holder; now, don’t get me wrong, $15 is not a lot and it would come out of our condo fees.&nbsp_place_holder; but – WTF?&nbsp_place_holder; i have to pay to have you tell me when to expect delivery.&nbsp_place_holder; no way.&nbsp_place_holder; not now.&nbsp_place_holder; not ever.&nbsp_place_holder; sufficed to say, i’m receiving notification and not paying anything for it.

comcast – we cannot get these clowns to come to our building to do installation.&nbsp_place_holder; the computer still lists our unit as single-family residence rather than individual units and so they can’t arrange for a guy to come out.&nbsp_place_holder; the problem wtih this explanation: A COMCAST GUY CAME OUT ON SATURDAY AND DID INSTALLATION FOR THE UNIT ABOVE OURS.

i go back to my opening question: why is nothing easy????

viruses

i concur with wife on the lack of complaints!&nbsp_place_holder; i’ve had many complaints to share, but felt sorta weird complaining more than the host. :)&nbsp_place_holder; but that won’t stop me now!!&nbsp_place_holder; i have some weird virus that has taken me out hardcore for the past five days and to a lesser extent, the five days before that.&nbsp_place_holder; i can’t run….it’s not that i don’t want to…i just think i’d pass out.&nbsp_place_holder; the primary symptom has been a headcrushing headache that sort of comes and goes.&nbsp_place_holder; everytime i think i might be on the mend, it sets back in.&nbsp_place_holder; i don’t like being down.&nbsp_place_holder; the doc said 10-14 days.&nbsp_place_holder; i’m not used to being down hard more than 3 or 4.&nbsp_place_holder; and now i wonder if i am still sick or just losing motivation to do anything.&nbsp_place_holder; but i’m complaining. so i guess that’s a good start.

priorities

i work as a surgery tech in a facility where research is conducted using animal models.&nbsp_place_holder; i play a fairly important role in any surgical procedure we do.&nbsp_place_holder; during such procedures, there is generally a surgeon/vet, sterile assistant, anesthetist and sometimes a circulator (someone in a nonsterile roll who helps facilitate the procedure).&nbsp_place_holder; oftentimes, i will be assuming one of these rolls, but also covering for someone who, in theory, is perfoming one of the other roles.&nbsp_place_holder; yesterday, i was preparing a pig for surgery.&nbsp_place_holder; in the OR were four people, me, another tech (20+ years experience) and two lab animal veterinarians (one of whom is our lab chief).&nbsp_place_holder; not only did i have to lift a 70-pound anesthetized pig onto the OR bed by myself, but the pig started to wake up.&nbsp_place_holder; none of the things that should have been ready were, so i had to struggle with the waking pig while administering intravenous drugs and attaching multiple items of monitoring equipment. &nbsp_place_holder; all this time, the other tech and vets were freaking out over the screen of the anesthesia machine.&nbsp_place_holder; not the anesthesia machine my pig was attached to, no.&nbsp_place_holder; there was another machine in the room (literally two feet away from the one i was using) that we have used once, yes ONCE in the two years we have been using the room.&nbsp_place_holder; apparently someone had sprayed cleaning solution on the screen and not wiped it off afterward, so it streaked.&nbsp_place_holder; the tech and vets were asking, in a quite panicked manner, “WHAT’S WRONG WITH THIS SCREEN?”&nbsp_place_holder; all the while, i was wrestling with a distressed pig.&nbsp_place_holder; they were literally oblivious.&nbsp_place_holder; i explained that someone sprayed cleaning solution on it and then didn’t wipe it off, but that didn’t really seem to sink in.&nbsp_place_holder; actually, the tech said, “whoever did that shouldn’t be using that type of solution on this touch screen.”&nbsp_place_holder; still wrestling the pig (while they are still, honest to god, oblivious) i say (in an irritated voice), “it’s not a touch screen, and it’s perfectly fine for whoever cleaned it to use XYZ solution. they should have, however, wiped it down afterward.”&nbsp_place_holder; under my breath i said, “so the tech of 20+ years and two laboratory animal veternarians would not be so distraught and confused and completely distracted from the fact that i alone am dealing with an ANIMAL’S LIFE-THREATENING EMERGENCY.&nbsp_place_holder; by myself, i was able to get the pig appropriately anesthetized and hooked up to all the necessary monitoring equipment.&nbsp_place_holder; immediately thereafter, i grabbed a paper towel and sprayed a little windex on it.&nbsp_place_holder; i wiped the anesthesia screen clean and clear and said to the tech and vets, “does this make you happy?”&nbsp_place_holder; response (and i am NOT kidding), “oh great.&nbsp_place_holder; is the dog on the table yet?”&nbsp_place_holder; priorities. &nbsp_place_holder;