Saved from Facebook – Complaint Hub

You know this has happened to you

Weird dream last night. I was in line to order a drink at the bar and I had decided to just get a water. While I was searching my wallet for a dollar to tip the bartender, Nick Peters ordered me something called a “Banana Left”. But then the bar was overrun by a wedding party, apparently pre-wedding (classy) and I never got to find out what the drink was.

I’ve been spending too much time on Facebook lately, I need to cut that out. But I think we’ve all been there when your friend orders you something at the bar and you think, “I’m going to kill you, this is awful, but I’m ALSO going to drink it because I’m young and stupid”. Luckily I’m old and less stupid now.

Send me your best Banana Left recipes.

No one wants hot sauce on the ceiling

September 2019. Nearly completed my recovery from the torn Achilles in March. I am fixing breakfast, having finished a bottle of Sriracha the day before. Sriracha, I will note, is THE BEST hot sauce for eggs. Other hot sauces are better in different situations, but Sriracha is the best complement for eggs. I will not be taking questions.

I unscrewed the cap of the bottle to remove the seal, and something looked amiss…

A bottle of Sriracha. The cap is off but the seal is still on. It is bulging ominously

I decided that was probably not okay and ate my eggs without hot sauce. I left the bottle on the cutting board to deal with after breakfast. This was a mistake.

Halfway through eating, there was a loud noise from the kitchen.

A splatter of Sriracha on the ceiling, shown through the pot rack

Mind you, the cutting board is standard counter height. The ceiling is about 10′, so that hot sauce was propelled at least 6′ straight up before it hit the ceiling.

Bottle of Sriracha on the cutting board. The seal is nowhere to be seen. Sriracha has spilled

The aftermath. I had to go to the store to buy a new bottle. Thankfully we had not yet entered the Global Sriracha Shortage and this was a relatively easy task.

Jon Renaut posted on Facebook 9/3/2019: PSA - if your bottle of Sriracha has a bulging seal, I do not recommend eating it. Or leaving it on the counter while you eat breakfast. Now I'm off to get a ladder so I can clean Sriracha off the ceiling

This is another in my Saved from Facebook series. Someday I will have saved all my banger content from there and I can ~~delete my account~~ remain there like a sucker anyway.

Replace ONE car trip with a bike trip

Originally posted today in 2023

This year for my birthday, I’m not asking for donations to a charity. Donating to charity is great, and if you have the means, please do, but this year I’d like you to think about something different. Since my birthday is on Earth Day AND I’d like a habitable world for my kids and grandkids to grow up in AND I’m an insufferable bike advocate, for my birthday I’d like you to think about biking.

Think about replacing ONE car trip this week with a bike trip. If you don’t have a bike, for the purpose of this exercise assume you do. Don’t get bogged down in not having a bike and miss the broader picture. If replacing ONE car trip with a bike trip would be really difficult, please think about why.

Is it money? Even a top of the line electric-assist cargo bike costs less to buy than the average yearly cost of owning a car. And a solid utilitarian bike can cost WAY less than that, probably less than one month’s car payment.

Is it safety? Imagine there was a network of bike lanes completely separated from car traffic and see if that would fix it.

Is it weather? This is a legitimate challenge, but I promise you that someone in your situation in a MUCH worse climate has solved this problem, and you can, too.

Is it logistics? Where do you park? Think about how much we subsidize car parking and think about how little we would need to throw at bike parking to make this problem disappear.

What else is keeping you from using one of the most environmentally friendly modes of transportation available?

WABA awards and forgotten speeches

Slightly blurry selfie with my “award nominee” badge and a beer

8 years ago today, WABA gave me an award for whining on X (Formerly known as Twitter). I shared the award with the DDOT Public Space team, largely who I was whining to/about.

Facebook comment from Laurie Lemieux - Congratulations! This was my favorite award of the night (well, except for best bike shop). Your speech was priceless!

I gave a great speech, apparently. I have no recollection of this speech. My wife does not believe I gave one.

Unfortunately, we haven’t really progressed from there in terms of protecting bike lanes. DDOT still does not provide Safe Accommodations when cyclist and/or pedestrian infrastructure needs to be blocked for construction, despite the Bicycle and Pedestrian Safety Amendment Act of 2016 telling them to do so.

Oh, well. Maybe in another ten years.

No cats on laptops

I’m continuing my series of posts that were originally on Facebook but that I want to preserve. You can see the series here.

Ten years ago, the cat sat on my laptop. She was mostly a good cat and spoiled me for future cats.

I can hear Pete saying that, even though he never spoke it out loud. Well, maybe he did at some point, I don’t know. I can also hear him saying you should wiggle your hands and feet BEFORE they hurt, which is excellent advice for long bike rides, or really anything else when you’ll be in the same position for a long period of time.

I’m afraid you DID drop something

I want to pull some of the A+ content I’ve posted to Facebook over the years and put it somewhere that isn’t owned by a super-wealthy sociopath. You all who aren’t friends with me on Facebook (don’t friend me on Facebook) have no idea what kind of a treat you’re in for.

Here’s a gem from October of 2011

This morning I pulled up at a light on PA Ave in the cycletracks behind a woman on her bike. Her backpack had come open at some point, so of course I told her. As she turned to look, a bra fell out. She was already embarrassed by the whole thing, not knowing if she had lost anything, and I had to point out to her that she had, in fact, lost something. My question to you all is – was it more polite to let her pick it up, or should I have done it? I decided it was less embarrassing for her (and therefore more gentlemanly for me) to have the strange man she’s never met NOT touching her underclothes, even if she wasn’t wearing them. Do you agree?

The rest of the comment from my dad that Facebook has “helpfully” hidden:

There is simply no comfortable outcome in that situation, and you can only pick the least bad, and I think you did. The legend surrounding the establishment of the Order of the Garter is instructive (from Wikipedia: The most popular legend involves the “Countess of Salisbury” (probably either Edward’s future daughter-in-law Joan of Kent or her former mother-in-law, Catherine Montagu, Countess of Salisbury). While she was dancing with or near King Edward at Eltham Palace, her garter is said to have slipped from her leg. When the surrounding courtiers sniggered, the king picked it up and tied it to his own leg, exclaiming, “Honi soit qui mal y pense,” (“Shamed be the person who thinks evil of it.”). I suspect it takes a king to pull that off, though.

I do not think he was implying that I should have picked up the bra and put it on. That would have made for quite a story, but likely not one that would reflect well on me.