Tag: Elevators

I just spent the last 15 minutes stuck in an elevator. This is the second time I’ve been stuck in an elevator in this stupid building.

I went down to G2, where Target is, so I could pick up a few things.  I took them back down (via the stairs) to G3 and put them in the trunk.  Then I got on the elevator to go back up to my floor, and nothing happened.  So I used the emergency call box, and some nice woman on the other end asked me to press some buttons, which did nothing.  So she called the building maintenance people, and they came pretty quickly and opened the door.  I suspect I could have done it myself – I pried the door open a little bit without too much difficulty.  But I’ve seen Resident Evil.  I’m not messing with an elevator unless I don’t think someone is going to come get me.

This wouldn’t be a problem if you could use the stairs.  You can walk freely on the stairs between G3 and G1.  You can enter the stairwell from any floor, but you can only exit the stairs on one side at the lobby, and on the other through G1-3.  You can’t go from G1 to the lobby.  It’s ridiculous.  I would walk most of the time if I could, and I do, when I’m going down.  But going up you can’t walk.

I hate this building.  And all elevators.

So, I’m a nice guy.  Ask anyone.  Today, I went down to get a key copied at a mall kiosk.  This may have been a bad idea, but whatever.  The woman there spent 10 minutes looking through key blanks before she told me they didn’t have the right on.  Five of those minutes were spent comparing my key to a blank that was plainly wrong.  She showed it to me.  I told her it was the wrong blank.  She showed it to the guy at the kiosk next door.  He told her it was the wrong blank.  She compared them again.  Somehow, they were still totally different keys.

Did I get angry with her?  No.  I was polite.  I left.  I am positive that other customers are not so pleasant.

So, I get back to my building.  I went through the doors to the elevators on the bottom floor.  The elevators only go up from there, and there is nowhere else to go, so anyone going through those doors is going up in the elevator.

Anyway, exiting the door as I was entering was a guy on crutches.  I stopped to hold the door for him, because that seemed like the right thing to do.  Some guy was already in the elevator lobby waiting to go up.  As I was holding the door, he got in an elevator and left.  After I held the door, I saw him through the closing elevator doors.  I didn’t have a chance to make eye contact.

Is that a total jerk move?  Would you have held the elevator for fifteen seconds so I could get in, too?  Or am I being ridiculous?  I’m inclined to think I’m not.

I just got stuck in one for about five minutes.  I was on the way back from getting lunch, so I imagine this is punishment for eating at McDonalds.  Still, I don’t think it was really necessary to be stuck there with one guy who thought he was really funny (He wasn’t), a guy who stuck his phone out between the crack in the door trying to tell his office-mates that he was stuck (We were there 5 minutes.  You aren’t that important), and a woman who laughed incessantly and also made jokes (She wasn’t funny, either).

So, this is a message to everyone stuck in a small space with people you don’t know:  You aren’t funny.  I don’t care if you are a professional comedian doing very well for yourself.  If you are stuck in an elevator with me, do me a favor and keep your wit to yourself.

I just posted about how much I hate elevators, and how I can’t take the stairs up at work because they lock the doors.  Well, they just started leaving the doors unlocked.  So now I don’t have to wait for the elevator when I come back from getting coffee!  I still can’t walk up from the parking garage, but that’s an extra three floors – I don’t feel bad riding the elevator up six flights.

Now, kids, here’s how you can complain about both sides of an issue.  It requires a delicate amount of self-deprecation, a little poetic license, and a flexible moral compass.  With practice, you, too, can become a professional complainer.  You must learn to deal with the classic complainer’s Catch-22. The problem now is that I have to walk up the dang stairs, or else I can no longer be smug about those who ride the elevators.  I just started going to the gym again last week after a month and a half off, and thirty five minutes on the elliptical makes your legs tired.  And now I have to walk up the stairs or risk invalidating a previous complaint.

Here’s where we redirect the complaint, taking the blame away from ourselves.

The building security people are clearly out to get me.  They must read the site, and know that they’ve come up against a formidable foe, a complainer with a mission and an audience.  So they have set out to undermine me.  They think they can respond to my complaint, and I’ll quietly continue to use the elevator, despite my protests.

_Finally, we say things that don’t mean much, but sound good on television, to leave the reader feeling inspired.  No one pays attention to the middle of something they read, just the beginning and the end. _

They will be disappointed.  I will take the stairs.  Two at a time, if necessary.  I will not be defeated!  They think they can grease the squeaky wheel and get away unscathed, but that is not the way the world works.  I’m on to you, building security.  I’m going to take the stairs every day, just to spite you.