Cryptocurrency is not money

One easy way to tell that cryptocurrency won’t ever be real money is to see how Venmo talks about it. I got an email not long ago from them about crypto.

If it were real money, the email would have bragged about how using crypto meant my Venmo transactions were faster and more secure! They would have mentioned on the INTERNAL deck that it was cheaper, too, but they won’t share that with customers because they would absolutely not pass those savings on.

What did Venmo ACTUALLY send me? A plug to invest in crypto. They want as much of your money managed in the Venmo app as possible, that’s how they make money (this makes sense, I’m not arguing they shouldn’t do this).

But if crypto was really a good way to move money around, either Venmo would be using it, or another company using it would have come in already and eaten their lunch. ACH is archaic. Instant transfers like Zelle are implemented so poorly that I suspect most of their day-to-day is dealing with fraud. If the crypto-pushers were right, this would all go away.

If you want to invest in an unregulated, unsecured magic bean, be my guest. There are definitely opportunities there. But you have to go in knowing it’s very risky, and that’s the part people usually skip over.

Google hacks

You remember how Google search used to be awesome? You could put in the randomest thing and it would find it for you? There was even the button to go straight to the first result because we were THAT SURE it would be what we wanted?

Then the SEO Wars and AI killed that, and now even searching directly for a company by name because you forgot their phone number brings up absolute garbage.

Yesterday I was looking up the number for Aspen Hill Plumbing, who I use all the time. They’re good over email and I loathe the phone, but I needed to get a hold of them immediately.

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Google not only showed me an ad for a competitor first, they also USED THE NAME OF THE COMPANY I WAS LOOKING FOR. This is absolutely not okay. Showing the competitor first because they bought a competitor’s name as a search term is slimy but totally accepted nowadays. But presenting one company as another? I’ve never seen that before on a reputable website.

Then this morning I saw this.

And you know what? It fucking works.

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You don’t even have to spell the profanity right.

I think what we need now is a “Let Me Google That For You” for the AI Era – you type your search term, and it adds profanity and returns you the results you’re actually looking for.

Take my content, please!

As someone who does not make a living creating content, I WANT my content used to train LLMs. Go on, Open AI, slurp up EVERY LITTLE MORSEL. Get every last pearl of wisdom from my dumbass blog.

Read my thoughts on compact flourescent lightbulbs from 2006 so you can quote that back to a high school student writing a research paper.

Or how about this FLAMING hot take on Al Gore? So profound.

Even better – read every last word of my wine blog, completely generated by a Markov chain (precursor to modern LLMs) trained on Wine Spectator reviews. That’ll be real helpful for some dingbat trying to impress a girl he just met.

Everyone involved here is wrong

While 1) banning the resale of legally purchased tickets should be illegal and 2) TIcketmaster totally deserves this, I wonder if anyone told them that every time the barcode changes it’s a separate felony charge under the Computer Fraud and Abuse Act?

By reverse-engineering how Ticketmaster and AXS actually make their electronic tickets, scalpers have essentially figured out how to regenerate specific, genuine tickets that they have legally purchased from scratch onto infrastructure that they control. In doing so, they are removing the anti-scalping restrictions put on the tickets by Ticketmaster and AXS. 

https://www.404media.co/scalpers-are-working-with-hackers-to-liberate-non-transferable-tickets-from-ticketmasters-ecosystem

Parrot social media

Because I need something right now that isn’t irritating, let me share with you that parrots like to video chat with other parrots, and even prefer it to simply watching videos of other parrots.

https://www.engadget.com/parrots-in-captivity-seem-to-enjoy-video-chatting-with-their-friends-on-messenger-165911437.html?src=rss

“The appearance of ‘liveness’ really did seem to make a difference to the parrots’ engagement with their screens,” said Dr. Ilyena Hirskyj-Douglas, though noting that further study would be needed before definite conclusions can be drawn. “Their behavior while interacting with another live bird often reflected behaviors they would engage in with other parrots in real life, which wasn’t the case in the pre-recorded sessions.”

We already have our tvs, our dishwashers, lightbulbs, doorknobs, whatever, everything is connected to the internet. Why not our parrots?