Hello! I’m Biscuit, the official Complaint Hub cat. I have a little story to tell you. Last Thursday, I was wandering around the house, hungry. I thought I’d make some noise so someone would feed me, but that didn’t work. Those two people who live in my house were nowhere to be found. People are always disappearing like that. Never around when your food dish needs refilling.
So I decided to go look for them, to make sure they weren’t hiding somewhere. I jumped up on the table, and … Oh! Something shiny! And string! I played with the shiny thing and the string for a little while. I love playing with string. It just never gets old.
Well, eventually it gets old. And I was still hungry. So I thought, why not eat the shiny thing? That seems reasonable. I mean, if I wasn’t supposed to play with it and then eat it, why would it be on the table?
It didn’t really agree with me, though. And it wasn’t satisfying at all. In fact, it was kind of pointy. I couldn’t really swallow it all the way.
I spent the next day whining about it so those dumb people would fix it, but they just ignored me. And then they disappeared for two days! No one was there to sit with me on the couch. And my neck hurt. If I’d had anything to eat in the last few days since that shiny thing, I would have left them a little surprise, let me tell you.
Finally they got back! But still, they ignored me. “Poor Bis,” they said. “What’s wrong, Biscuit?” They said. My dang neck hurts, that’s what’s wrong! Can’t you see that? But they couldn’t. The next day, I was still hungry. The people came home, and I could smell something delicious! My stomach was growling. They were cooking shrimp! I rushed to the kitchen, meowing as best I could to let them know that I, too, would like some shrimp. They didn’t give me any, though. But they did give me some other food from a can, so I ate that. The shiny thing kind of got in the way, but not too much.
Then, the people thought I was getting better. I tried to tell them I wasn’t, but you know how people are.
Finally, the next day I’d had enough. My neck really hurt, and I was really hungry. That’s when they grabbed me and put me in that little box. I hate that box. Whenever I get in that box, I’m always somewhere I don’t want to be when I get out. Sure enough, they opened the box, and I was at the vet! I hate the vet. You wouldn’t believe where she sticks a really cold thermometer. And she put me in this strange, noisy machine, but I guess it wasn’t too bad. It didn’t hurt. But then, I had to go to a new place. It seemed a lot like the vet, so I hid under a desk until they made me come out.
After that, they took me into another room, and they shaved my ankle! The nerve! I don’t remember too much after that. I’m home now, though. I think I’m going to stay under the couch this week, though. That seems safest.